It comes as something as a shock to realise that last time I published a blog was 4 years ago! That was in a world where I was definitely in peri-menopause but (in hindsight) nowhere near the great initiation itself. At the time, I remember that every bleed felt like it might be my last yet it took another 3 years for that moment to finally come. Those three years have been fraught with change and challenge, rich with lessons and love as I have travelled deeper and deeper away from the outside world and into the unchartered terrain of my own being.
I always used to write blogs and newsletters in the inner autumn of my cycle. I could literally diarise it, the timing was so predictable. Inspiration would rise up, be captured and curated and hey presto – I had a presence out in the world. In the last few years? Nowt. Nada. It has all been very quiet on the inspiration front for my work in the world. Instead, menopause has led me on an inner journey. It has turned me upside down and inside out. It has literally shaken me up, set me on fire, reduced me to nothing but the bare bones of myself. It has terrified me at times, then shown me the deep peace of living in harmony with who I actually am, how much energy I actually have, what I actually WANT! What a liberation after a lifetime as a woman in a patriarchal society! To come home to myself, reuniting with all the versions of Jane who have come before me and with the wisdom of those who are yet to come.
I wish I had known this years ago. Not just as an inner knowing but being confirmed by others around me. That peace will come again, energy will return, inspiration will once again find it’s way to you. I wanted to pass onto you what I now know, in the hope and prayer that it will ripple out into the world and change how midlife women see this incredible crucible of transformation that is menopause. One thing’s for sure – things will never be the same again!
What I wish I knew then…
- Cyclical wisdom and conscious menstruation is a game-changer. Make the most of your cycle while you still have it. It’s a precious gift indeed. Find circles of other women honouring their cycles, read Wild Power, document your own cycle and pay especial attention to nurturing yourself in your inner Autumn (pre-menstrual) phase because in menopause you feel like that A LOT!
- Peri-menopause is a real thing and it starts way earlier than I thought, for me in my early 40’s. Start slowing down as much as you can as soon as you can, even in your late 30’s and early 40’s. At some point you will completely lose the ability to push through anymore. So practice early; if you can reduce work hours, get help in the home, pause your social life…slow the momentum so that when the moment comes you can enter into the temple of menopause with a modicum of grace rather than like a juggernaut crashing to a halt. I chose the latter, obviously! I would NOT recommend it ????
- You are not going mad! Old trauma is going to resurface and it will be messy and painful. All the places where you are out of alignment with your true self are going to be highlighted; with family, friends, work…every area of your life. This is also messy and painful. With compassion and courage all of this can be a wonderful opportunity but you can’t do it alone. Find a circle, a therapist or a coach to support you. You can check out my offerings to you here if you’re curious to explore feeling deeply held in a safe, sacred space
- Menopause is NOT a bunch of symptoms to be managed and made to go away. It is a normal, natural process that every one of us women go through. It is an initiation into elderhood that creates women who are prepared to stand in their power. Unfortunately we live in a culture that has no reverence for the wisdom of the body when it calls for us to slow down, say no, stop. Let’s create a new culture by first owning this truth for ourselves.
- The goal is NOT to “get back to your old self” Menopause is Change with a capital C. We are not meant to stay the same! As oestrogen falls our focus shifts from the outer roles of caring for others to a deep inner journey. This is not popular in our culture which places no value on the inner journey and so much on the outer one. In a world where we were fully honoured and supported in this change I do not believe we would experience “symptoms” in the same way. One day we will celebrate all that peri and menopause are and bring…
- In the meantime, try anything that works. Supplements, dietary and lifestyle changes, therapies, HRT…there is no wrong answer. We live in an imperfect world. Do what you need and forgive yourself for it if you wish there was another way. Get some support to deal with not just the physical changes but the spiritual and emotional ones. You can connect with me here if I might be part of that support on your journey. I’d be honoured to connect with you.
- Talk about it. A lot. There has been no greater sanity than conversations with friends, strangers, sisters around a fire. My husband would say I have talked of almost nothing else for a decade. He’s not far wrong! Every time I do we remove some of the fear, some of the shame and we get to write a new story about what it is to be in this cauldron of transformation.
I really hope that my sharing this ripples out into the world and helps every woman who reads this feel a little bit more seen and honoured and a little less alone as we walk through the fires of menopause towards an embodied, empowered elderhood that our world so desperately needs.
If you’re feeling the full power of your peri- or menopause journey and would like to explore how to channel it safely in a deeply held, sacred space then you can check out my offerings here. I would be honoured to witness all aspects of your wild feminine nature as the magic of menopause brings you home to yourself.
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