Almost two years ago now, on my 47th birthday and held by a circle of wise and wonderful friends I performed a ceremony for myself. It arose from spontaneity and intuition and from a deep yearning to feel more connected and deeply held by the earth and all of life. As they held me I fell. I fell through layers and layers of grief and loss and anger. I sobbed, I raged and I asked them to give me exactly what I needed in that moment – some words spoken out loud over and over until they resonated in every cell, a lap to lie on and be held, a chant, a song, nourishment and nurturing.
Together we rowed the little boat that is my life across an ocean to new ground. What a gift! There is such power in a circle of women when we are able to be raw and vulnerable and ask for whatever we need. Immense power, it is a portal for the Universe to re-align itself and provide us with exactly what it is that our hearts and souls are longing for. Although not always in the way we are expecting it to!
For me there followed a week of dreaming into my perfect life, defined only by myself and not by others nor by society. An imagining of how I would feel, live, spend my days. A drawing together of my longings for my children to be accepted and celebrated in a community just as they are. For myself too, a yearning to be even more fully myself, to embrace our neurodiversity as a family. Pages and pages of my journal filled with images and words in those few days as I poured out my soul and let go, over and over again.
Then one of those days where the world pivots on its axis and nothing is ever the same again! The universe re-aligning itself to my need and to my surrender. A town in an area I had never even visited suddenly coming into focus, a breadcrumb trail of schools and connections and serendipity. Signs that were so clear they had both me and my rather more cynical husband gasping at how obvious it was that we were being guided. Within the month the decisions were made. We were moving 250 miles south. We were leaving the house that we had dreamed, designed, birthed and so deeply loved. The house that a couple of weeks before I had sworn to leave only in a coffin, so deep was my connection to the place and the land. We were riding the rocky road of changing the lives of teenage girls, and neurodivergent ones at that. We were letting go of everything, our friendships, my business, all the threads that make up a life. It was truly an uprooting in every sense of the word.
Yet I had faith. Deep trust in the power of the universe to support us as we made this transition. Belief that menopause itself was guiding me towards firmer foundations for the second half of my life. And slowly, piece my piece, the future that I visioned and dreamed into being became real. The path has not been a straightforward one. I have been challenged every step of the way to open up and receive more, to allow myself to be held by the feminine. At the end of the day the only limit has been my own belief in myself and in the birthright we all share to be able to ask for and receive exactly what we want. Menopause brings us face to face with our own inner critic, our fear and our shame. It isn’t pretty but my God its powerful. Love yourself through that and life will be more wonderful than you could possibly imagine. Your life, on your terms.
If you’re feeling the invitation to change encoded deep in your peri- or menopause journey and would like to explore it safely in a deeply held, sacred space then you can check out my offerings here. I would be honoured to witness all aspects of your wild feminine nature as the magic of menopause brings you home to yourself.
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